OK, fellow calamari lovers, I’ve got a review of the squid salad at Pasta Brioni in Scottsdale nearly ready to go–as soon as my loser sister e-mails me the photos that I texted her. Yes, I lack a Blackberry. Yes, I am the true loser.

Also, an update. I stopped by Catch 22 again twice since I live in the neighborhood. The first time I met a friend for a Bronco’s game (he’s a fanatic–a lucky fanatic, eh?), and the fried calamari was even better than previously, though the portion was mysteriously smaller. Then tonight, I went with a special guest and was embarrassed by my recommendation. The portion was 1/3 the size of my original serving (and I had the photos to prove it), and the squid decidedly fishier!

The guest, a self-proclaimed calamari lover, said he’d give the dish 1.5 out of 4 squids.

But this points to an important and ongoing factor regarding squid, especially here in AZ: the quality of calamari is going to vary according to when the shipment arrived, when it was thawed, and who the cook on duty may be–especially in a neighborhood joint that doesn’t move a school of squid every day.

Sadly, we calamari addicts can’t count on the same consistency that a plate of fries might offer. Luck will also play her role.

In defense of the pub’s preparation, I still would have allotted it 2 squids. And the guy who dissed it and regaled us with of tales of eating squid fresh off the fishing boats in Spain, said he thought the marinara side sauce could use some horseradish. Say WHAT?

Squid Heresy

Obviously this guest was unfamiliar with the classic Italian presentation of calamari and thought the marinara was some kind of slumbering cocktail sauce–a debatable match for squid regardless, and a topic for another day. However, I was motivated to find a fabulous Spanish recipe for calamari and present this glory, glory hallelujah version: “El Farol Fried Calamari” by Chef James Campbell Caruso.

This recipe features both a Lemon-Caper Aioli and a Romesco Sauce. I can’t wait to make it–mainly because it doesn’t include any horseradish whatsoever.


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Jaded Squid

Finally, a quick mention of the fiery calamari at acclaimed Sanctuary Resort’s Jade Bar/Elements restaurant in Paradise Valley. I’d been anticipating this experience for a year, ever since a major foodie had claimed it was the best in the Valley. It took me a while to get over there with squid-friendly folks, however, since PV isn’t exactly my ‘hood.

But what a yawn this Jade Bar calamari version turned out to be. I have nothing to say about it except, YAWN.

My dining companions agreed. We didn’t even finish it. Asian accents, perfectly OK textuj,….. k;ljdsk , whoops, sorry I fell asleep on my keyboard. I’ve had these flavors before a hundred times, nothing exciting, and we asked others at the bar who agreed.

This clamari ranks only 2.5 squids (Squidzzzzzzzz) for letting me down. One expects more from Iron Chef-worthy Beau MacMillan’s staff. I don’t care if it’s a serviceable squid, the time has come to revisit the dang recipe and deliver a dazzler.

Review Puzzler

Yet, I found this older review of Jade Bar’s sqid lullaby on the Arizona Republic’s website:

“The grazing began with the fiery calamari ($13) and it made for a good first impression. Prepared just as it should be, this squid has just a whisper of crispy breading and is buttery soft to the tooth. The miso scallion vinaigrette served alongside for dipping has a delightful sweet-and-sour taste. We enjoyed this appetizer so much that we ended our evening with a second order.”

Oh, was the dip “delightful”? Thanks for the insight. I can’t believe this reviewer wasted valuable stomach space with a second order when she had Beau’s staff in the kitchen making other amazing foodstuffs. Good God! But maybe she was a cala-starty.

I must remain tolerant. I must remain calm. I’m super-cala-fragilistic irritated, however. I got a tip tonight that Fleming’s in North Scottsdale will restore my faith.